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lyrics

I used to have a wad of cash
More than Nigel Havers
Now I smell of cheesy Daschund
Now I suck off dogs for Quavers

Who knew corn based snacks would be
Sexual canine currency
Sucking faster than Mo Farrah
Spaniel, poodle, Chihuaha

Oh Quaver dogs
Oh Quaver dogs

Ever since the credit crunch
Pugs get off on Monster Munch
Times are ruff, so's my jaws
Giving head to labradors

Collies, whippets, Afghan Hounds
Are trading crisps instead of pounds
Twiglets, Skips and Cheesy Puffs
I'm opening a stall at Crufts

I've got the stamina and patience
To take 101 dalmations
I get down on my knees and pray
A Great Dane doesn't come my way

Alsatians, corgis and Beagles
Greyhounds and golden retrievers
Dobermans, shih-tzus, mastiffs
Give me Frazzles for relief

I've even done an old rottweiler
I guess I could go to jail, I
took a wotsit off a schnauzer
Pulled a yorkie off my trousers

In return for a whole mitt full
got mini chips from a pit bull
But the best I ever done
was gagging on St Bernard's rum

credits

from The Pithy Tweets Of Moran, released April 25, 2014

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about

Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK

Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.

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