1. |
2013
03:58
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Two zero zero zero
What did you do?
We never met up for that disco, Jarvis
Two zero zero one
Space Odyssey didn't come
Two zero zero two
What exactly did we do?
Two zero zero three
In this white hot new century
Two zero zero four
Just the same as we did before
Oh what a bloody century this has been
2013 and we're still bloody waiting
Here we are in two oh one three
Looking back it's so frustrating
Two zero zero five
On the new millenium drive
Two zero zero six
We forgot to come alive
Two zero zero seven
We've revived the past 11
Two zero zero eight
Years remembered, years too late
Two zero zero nine
We still had a real good time
Two thousand and ten
Again and again and again
Two zero one one
Do you want me to go on?
Two zero one two
Retromania's all we do
Two zero one three
Come on let's start this fucking century
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2. |
2014
02:07
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singing in a vacuum
shouting in a void
he is not appreciated
he is not allowed, he's annoyed
I can't believe it's 2014
2014!
Rememeber, remember, you will have a say
18th of September, don't throw it away way way way
I can't believe it's 2014
2014!
Take it on the chin, Take it on the chin, Take it on the chin,
Take it on the chin, Take it on the chin, Take it on the chin,
Tick tick tick tick
It is not a leap year
But it's time to leap
Time to take a gamble
Time to stop behaving like sheep
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3. |
2015
02:58
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Ah ha ha
Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?
2.0.1.5
Ever get the feeling we’re living in the end times
You’re breaking up, you’re breaking up
The end of all the dead times
Economy, disaster, stupidity, disease
We’re cracking up, we’re cracking up
We’re down on our knees
Hacking through the jungle of the world wide mess
They got your email, your phone and your home address
Ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated?
Underwhelmed and disappointed
Mismanaged, mistreated
2015 is it just another year?
Distractions, misinformation, austerity and fear
If you’ve got the power you know who to abuse
If you ain’t got the power you know you’re gonna lose
Piano’s a patch on Althemy
A synth in my PC
You may have spilt beans on your favourite jeans
But you’re not a patch on me
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4. |
2016
02:33
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Two thousand, one six
Two thousand, one six
Two thousand, one six
Everybody's up to the same old tricks
What about a new slate
Something new
Start afresh
Something to do
Welcome flags over Dover
Happy war, Christmas is over
Do you remember years ago
1976 or so
Now everything is back in style
No year zero just meanwhile
Whatever happened to 'don't look back'
Looking forward is so old hat
Do I have to prove it in a song?
Some people are moving on
Everybody's waiting for the new quick fix
No new order, no new bricks
Settling for Little Mix
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5. |
2017
02:26
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2017 – we know where you’ve been
But what you got in store?
More peace, more love, more hate, more joy, more crap TV, more war
2017 and all points inbetween
Keep your pecker up
Whatever that means, 2017
The thought that counts is not the thought I’m thinking of that’s clean
2017
Call KKK, whaddya say
All you hoodies there?
Miss Ann Thropic on the line
I’m feeling rough
Youre feeling fine
I’m no Nostradamus
But when Barack Obama’s
Fled the scene
2017’s gonna be mean, mean, mean, mean, mean
Here are my predictions for 2017
RIP the queen
Donald Trump will be portrayed by Mr Michael Sheen
We all live on a nuclear submarine
Brexit will be haunted by the ghost of Hughie Green
And Theresa May will be replaced by Mr Bean
2017 – I’m really not that keen
Cryogenically freeze me in my time machine
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6. |
2018
03:35
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In this pantomime best seller
Reduced to cinder ella ella
Our ugly systems rage
Buttons centre stage
The Donald and Kim Jong
Just string us along
The villain’s Bono – boo!
He’s behind U2
Two zero one eight
Is it now too late?
Everyone hates change
So let’s just keep it strange
Two zero one eight
Step up to the plate
Take your curtain call
Will the mighty Fall
Your fairy godmother
Is your older lover etc.
I think our final course is
Turning mice to horses
Two zero one eight
Is it now too late?
Everyone hates change
So let’s just keep it strange
The nuclear winter disco tent
Plays Donna Summer, not Thom Yorke…
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7. |
2019
02:18
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2019
Oh, what a scream
It could be the worst disaster we’ve ever seen
Let’s go it alone
Let’s buy a drone
And hover over Thunderdome
(with Post Traumatic Syndrome)
Jacob Rees Mogg
Opening his gob
Fly it in there
And spin him into the fog
2019
Get in the sea
Give us a tune on yer golden pianner, Betty
(Knees up David Cameron)
Isn’t it clear?
We’re in reverse gear
They thought that we’d want what they want, which wasn’t what they wanted either
But where are the clowns? The opposing clowns.
They’re not even here
Oh we’re gonna have a vote of no confidence
No confidence
No confidence
Oh we’re gonna have a vote of no confidence
In 2019
2019
Stockpiling fear
2019
Well, happy new year
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8. |
2020
03:24
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You’d think that I’d see clearly now it’s 2020
But the chaos in my head it just gets worse
Years and years of songs about years -that is plenty
Just when you think here comes the chorus, here’s another verse
Raise your glass, don’t raise your hopes – we’re running on empty
Your resolutions won’t be televised
To all who’ve gone from Barrie Masters To Alasdair Gray
Here’s to you and all who realise
You don’t wish for your dreams to come true
That is not reality
Do anything you wanna do
In 2020
Accept the chaos that is you
Just be what you can be
Do anything you wanna do
2020
Just one more go at trying to be real in 2020
Then we can call it off for yet another year
It seems we’re mourning more every 12 months, feeling empty
But still we’ll give it another shot, oh dear
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9. |
2021
02:05
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In the year 2021
Everybody will want some fun
Cos in 2020 we had none
Let’s hope it isn’t worse
Can you imagine?
By the end of 2020
We all went – that’s plenty
We all need a jag
We need to get away
From England, Brexit and George Galloway
In the year 2021
We’ll see the end of Boris Johnson
Only to be replaced
By another pile of crumpled washing
With a melted face
Oh oh
I’ve been working from home too long
I really can’t be arsed doing yet another song
Predicting what will happen or pretending to care
So let’s call it a day and give in to the nightmare
But before I get too bleak
I’ll try and turn the other cheek
Seek out the positive, avoid oblivion
That’s my ray of hope and joy for 2021
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10. |
2022
02:08
|
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Here come 2022
Another year with nutting to do
Might as well just sniff some glue
Hello 2022
2,0,2,2
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11. |
2023
01:40
|
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In 2023, I am gonna be 64
Will you still love me? Will you still need me?
Or will you just keep the dog and kick me out the door
Oh I, Oh I
Well, I just can’t get enough of this sweet song
That Paul McCartney left behind
Take it away Paul
Shake it
Baby don’t break it
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12. |
2024
01:24
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There’ll be a general election
And everybody retching
In 2024
2024
I’m going to retire
Put my feet up by the fire
In 2024
2024
From the paper
That sings the news
To the paper
That’s sick of the news
The politics of pointlessness
Continues to be meaningless
In 2024
2024
Everyone ignores
The real fucking wars
In 2024
2024
From the paper
That sings the news
To the paper
That’s sick of the news
It’s the same
Tame
It’s insane
Insane
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13. |
||||
2016 (RIP)
chorus
Two thousand, one six
Two thousand, one six
Two thousand, one six
Rest in pieces, rest in bits
David Bowie, Leonard Cohen, Ronnie Corbett, Robert Vaughn
Victoria Wood, Caroline Aherne, Garry Shandling, Terry Wogan
Richard Adams, Rick Parfitt, George Michael, Liz Smith
Carrie Fisher and her mum, Debbie Reynolds, everyone
Johan Cruyff, Muhammed Ali, Pete Burns, Prince, John Bradbury
Tony Warren, Burt Kwouk, Alan Rickman, Jo Cox
chorus
AA Gill, George Martin
Jean Alexander and Jimmy Young, Andrew Sachs and Keith Emerson, Greg Lake
Gene Wilder, Jock Scot, John Glenn, Howard Marks and Dale Griffin...Maurice White
chorus
Alan Vega, Bobby Vee, Natalie Cole, George Kennedy
Frank Kelly, Cliff Michelmore, Ed Stewart, Merle Haggard, Arnold Palmer
Ian Mckaskill, Harper Lee, the 1000 Rupee
Prince Buster, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Umberto Eco, many more
Samsung Galaxy Note 7, Rabbi Lionel Blue's in heaven
Anton Yelchin, Carla Lane, Gareth Thomas, Pierre Boulez
Anita Brookner, Sharon Jones, Erik Bauersfeld, Toblerone
Tony Dyson, Sylvia Anderson, Craig Gill, Denise Robertson,
Kenny Baker, Glenn Frey, Leon Russell, USA
Fidel Castro, David Gest, Paul Daniels and all the rest
Two thousand, one seven
Still to come - Armageddon
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Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK
Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.
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