Stramash Ups

by Tommy Mackay

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about

A collection of scurrilous satirical songs parodying old tunes and mostly stealing their original backing tracks. Satiraoke if you will.

credits

released October 17, 2016

artwork: @beaubodor

tags

tags: pop Edinburgh

license

all rights reserved

about

Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK

Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.

contact / help

Contact Tommy Mackay

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Track Name: Corbyn Calling
Corbyn calling to the faraway towns
We're wrapping Trident in an ermine gown
Corbyn calling to the underfed
Get back to the foodbanks, forget what I said
Corbyn calling, now don't look to us
Phoney Blairmania might have bitten the dust
Corbyn calling, but we know how to spin
By listening to Dugdale and John McTernan

The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in
Meltdown expected, the marrow's growing thin
Trident is humming, but I have no fear
'Cause I live in London and it's not on my river

Corbyn calling to the Labour conference
Forget it, brothers, we're just the new cunts
Corbyn calling to the zombies of death
I tried to hold out, but don't hold your breath
Corbyn calling, and I don't wanna shout
But while I was talking, I saw you nodding out
Corbyn calling, see I thought I could lie
SNP bad - they don't count in my eyes

The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in
I won't press the button but I'm u-turning
A nuclear error, but I have no fear
'Cause I live in London, Trident's not on my river

Now get this

Scotland calling, yes, we were there, too
An' you know what you said? Well, some of it was true!
Scotland calling at the top of its game
Now we can see that you're just the same
Scotland calling
Scotland calling
You never looked so much alike alike alike alike
Track Name: Fluffy Mundy
Here comes Fluffy Mundy, he's gonna step on you
The Pistols had Bill Grundy, parliament's got you
Yer crunching ma beard crumbs, man, you know you talk such shit man
Yer crunching ma beard crumbs, man

Hey Mr Mundell, you're a wee fluffy bundle
You think you're something, but you know what? You're not
Hey good lady Sturgeon, he's pleading like a virgin
To be gentle with him until he is shot

Gonna stamp his little feet, it's enough to mak ye greet
Don't you know he can make you forget he's Scottish, man
Gonna stare really weird, gonna forage in his beard
There's a three course lunch in there and a naan
And a naan

Yer crunching ma beard crumbs, man, you know you talk such shit
Track Name: It's Different For Toffs
What the hell is wrong with Panama?
I can't seem to say or do the right thing
Wish I was in Bananarama
Then I would be Really Saying Something

Vic says, I don't belieeeeeve it
John says, You can't be serious
Don't we, all want the same thing
Don't we?

Well, who said anything about Gove?
No not Gove she said
Don't you know that it's different for toffs?
They're all the same

David Cameron says save yourself
Take a battle bus and find the right girl
To fiddle election expenses
It's a fantastically corrupt world

I know, a lot of things that
You don't you wanna hear some
We say, just give us something
Anything
Well give us all you got but not Gove
No not Gove we say
Don't you know that it's different for toffs?
You're all the same
Track Name: Supercalifragilisticcircumjackcencrastus
One wrote the best poem of the 20th century
The other was a character filmed by Walt Disney
Written by Pamela Lyndon Travers - a woman of some beauty
And if they got together cor baby that's really free

Supercalifragilisticcircumjackcencrastus
Shuggy MacD and Mary P surely will outlast us
People say they met and some say that they had bastards
If it's true then surely those kids would now be our masters

Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho
Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho

Just a spoonful of Lenin makes the Marxism go down
The Marxism go down
The Marxism go down
Oh it's a jolly Shuggy
Chim chim cheree
Super Caledonian Antisyzygy
Track Name: Move Eddie Mountain
Move Edward Mountain

Stuff yer independence, Nicola walk with me
I've a multi-million pound inheritance and a MP salary
I get 40 grand through utilities and insurance by the way
I'm a 50 per cent shareholder in Delfur Fishings - wahey hey

I can move, move, I'm Eddie mountain
I can move, move, I'm Eddie mountain

Walk with me and we'll go far
Daddy was the chairman of Eagle Star
So don't worry about who owns what
I love this country - not a lot

I can move, move, move Eddie mountain
I can move, move, move Eddie mountain
Track Name: Torn Between Two Labours
There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
I am named after a scary burd, and I'm not talking seagull
Is there anybody out there? it's me, Angela Eagle.
There's been a schism in my Party since we became popular,
We're more skid marks than Karl Marx nowadays,
And who knows where this will lead us, and who knows who fucking cares,
When it comes to being ridiculed, we're worse than Go Compare

Torn between two Labours, feeling like a fool
Being this messed up just makes us look like tools
Torn between two Labours, feeling like a fool
We wannabe like the popular girl at school

Torn between two Labours, feeling like a fool
Loving Trident really doesn't make you cool
Tumbleweed and traitors are what we've been reduced to
No-one wants to come to my press launches boo-hoo
Track Name: Little Willy Rennie
North Side, east side
Little Willy
Willy wobbles round
But he doesn't fall down
Dancing, glancing
Willy drives them silly
With his star shoe
Shimmy shuffle down
Way past one and feeling alright
'Cos with little Willy
Round they can last all night
Hey down, stay down, stay down, down
Little Willy Rennie has no backbone
You can push little Willy round, Willy's so slow
Alistair Carmichael must go
But little Willy, Willy says oh no
Track Name: I Wanna Marry A Muirfield Member
I want to marry a Muirfield member
And keep him company
I want to marry a Muirfield member
And be his caddy

I'll polish his wood by the light of day
And shout Fore! and maybe wahey!
I want to marry a Muirfield member
Won't that be okay?

We can go all 18 holes
And get caught in the rough
We won't invite more ladies in
Just the one's enough

I dream of playing at Muirfield, baby
And setting up his tee
I dream of playing at Muirfield
I love the 19th century

So if you want to make my dreams come true
You'll marry a Muirfield member too
We could live in Muirfield
Practicing misogyny.
ahahahay
Won't that be okay?

Yatatatata
Track Name: Kez
Kez, I can almost remember the Labour Party
That time you told them that you wanted autonomy
And Kez I thought the only lonely place was in your head

Kez is your father as bold as Gordon Brewer?
Have you got a grip on the logical universe yet?
And Kez you thought John Major was a lady suffragette

Ahm Dugdale want Jez to always love me
Ahm Dugdale this mess will always bug me
Ahm Dugdale... I can't fail

And Kez d'you think that Corbyn's still unelectable yet?

Ahm Dugdale. Want Jez to always love me
Ahm Dugdale. Jim Murphy used to love me
Ahm Dugdale... I can't fail

Jez I'm behind you with dagger
And smiling face yeah
Climb on the back of this unicorn and we can fly
And Jez you thought that Johann Lamont was a little lady suffragette

Jez-Jez
And Jez you know I thought you was a little lady suffragette
Jez
A little lacky
My little lacky... yes
Track Name: Rowling Trolling Trolling
Rowling, trolling, trolling, keep them tweets a flowing,
Keep the hatred growin'
Inside!

Keep movin', movin', movin'
Though they're disapprovin'
Keep them cybernats movin'
Online!
Don't try to understand 'em
Just rope and throw and brand 'em
We'll still be living side by side.
You're just calculatin'
And stirring up the hatin'
Misrepresenting Scottish pride.

I'm not anti-English
Ash Shean would shay, Thish ish pish
Pleashe dishmish the gibberish
Online!

Move 'em on, head 'em up
Head 'em up, move 'em on
Move 'em on, head 'em up
Online!
Cut 'em out, ride 'em in
Ride 'em in, let 'em out
Cut 'em out, ride 'em in
Online!

Online!
Track Name: I Will Be With You, Whatever
You ask how much I need you,
Must I explain?
I need you oh, my Dubya,
Like a Bush needs to reign.

You ask how long I'll cover
Up everything that's true.
I will be with you, whatever,
You decide to do.

Hold me close....I have got your back.
Hold me close. Melt my heart over Iraq.

I'll lie for you 'till the WMD are finally found.
I'll lie for you 'till Saddam Hussein is driven underground.
I'll lie for you 'till regime change becomes the reason why.
I will be with you, whatever. And that is not a lie.
Track Name: Fight The Right
You wake up late for work man you don't wanna go
You look at the papers and you think oh no
They're blaming the poor and the immigrants
What a shower of shit, what a bunch of cunts

You gotta fight the right in all parties

There's a conference going on, they wanna start a ghetto
While scraping off the shit from a leopard skin stiletto
They're deciding who to blame and where to wipe their feet
Screaming it's them over there, but we know it's the elite

I'm happy to be called a citizen of nowhere
If you're gonna wave flags then I just don't care
We're baking and dancing while humanity dies
And making lists of foreigners to demonise
Track Name: Duncan Hothersall
What do you do if there's a surge?
You have a coup or have a purge
I see nothing wrong with these
I love all my party's policies

I'm in hot denial
I'm encased in bile
I see what nobody else sees
I don't see Labour down on its knees

He'll carry on through it all
Duncan Hothersall

I'll defend them to the hilt
I'd even wear McConnell's kilt
They can hire whoever they please
Daily Mail editors, lumps of cheese

He'll carry on through it all
Duncan Hothersall
Track Name: Ed Balls
Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Now hear the word of Ed Balls!

His mouth bone's connected to his foot bone,
His foot bone's connected to his arse bone,
His arse bone's connected to his elbow bone,
Now hear the word of Ed Balls!

His toe bone's connected to his knee bone,
His knee bone's connected to his Blair bone,
His Blair bone's connected to his cock bone,
Now hear the word of Ed Balls!

Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Now hear the word of Ed Balls!

We couldn't seem to find any backbone
We couldn't seem to find any hip bone,
His wife is connected to his trombone,
Now hear the word of Ed Balls!

His hand bone's connected to his face bone,
His face bone's connected to his cell phone,
His cell phone's connected to his milibone,
Now hear the word of Ed Balls!

Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws,
Now hear the word of Ed Balls!