Stramash Ups

by Tommy Mackay

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1.
Corbyn calling to the faraway towns We're wrapping Trident in an ermine gown Corbyn calling to the underfed Get back to the foodbanks, forget what I said Corbyn calling, now don't look to us Phoney Blairmania might have bitten the dust Corbyn calling, but we know how to spin By listening to Dugdale and John McTernan The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in Meltdown expected, the marrow's growing thin Trident is humming, but I have no fear 'Cause I live in London and it's not on my river Corbyn calling to the Labour conference Forget it, brothers, we're just the new cunts Corbyn calling to the zombies of death I tried to hold out, but don't hold your breath Corbyn calling, and I don't wanna shout But while I was talking, I saw you nodding out Corbyn calling, see I thought I could lie SNP bad - they don't count in my eyes The ice age is coming, the sun's zooming in I won't press the button but I'm u-turning A nuclear error, but I have no fear 'Cause I live in London, Trident's not on my river Now get this Scotland calling, yes, we were there, too An' you know what you said? Well, some of it was true! Scotland calling at the top of its game Now we can see that you're just the same Scotland calling Scotland calling You never looked so much alike alike alike alike
2.
Fluffy Mundy 01:44
Here comes Fluffy Mundy, he's gonna step on you The Pistols had Bill Grundy, parliament's got you Yer crunching ma beard crumbs, man, you know you talk such shit man Yer crunching ma beard crumbs, man Call the toffs! Hey Mr Mundell, you're a wee fluffy bundle You think you're something, but you know what? You're not Hey good lady Sturgeon, he's pleading like a virgin To be gentle with him 'til he is shot Gonna stamp his little feet, it's enough to mak ye greet Don't you know he can make you forget he's Scottish, man Gonna stare really weird, gonna forage in his beard There's a three course lunch in there and a naan And a naan bread Yer crunching ma beard crumbs, man, you know you talk such shit
3.
What the hell is wrong with Panama? I can't seem to say or do the right thing Wish I was in Bananarama Then I would be Really Saying Something Vic says, I don't belieeeeeve it John says, You can't be serious Don't we, all want the same thing Don't we? Well, who said anything about Gove? No not Gove she said Don't you know that it's different for toffs? They're all the same David Cameron says save yourself Take a battle bus and find the right girl To fiddle election expenses It's a fantastically corrupt world I know, a lot of things that You don't you wanna hear some We say, just give us something Anything Well give us all you got but not Gove No not Gove we say Don't you know that it's different for toffs? You're all the same
4.
One wrote the best poem of the 20th century The other was a character filmed by Walt Disney Written by Pamela Lyndon Travers - a woman of some beauty And if they got together cor baby that's really free Supercalifragilisticcircumjackcencrastus Shuggy MacD and Mary P surely will outlast us People say they met and some say that they had bastards If it's true then surely those kids would now be our masters Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho Just a spoonful of Lenin makes the Marxism go down The Marxism go down The Marxism go down Oh it's a jolly Shuggy Chim chim cheree Super Caledonian Antisyzygy
5.
Move Edward Mountain Stuff yer independence, Nicola walk with me I've a multi-million pound inheritance and a MP salary I get 40 grand through utilities and insurance by the way I'm a 50 per cent shareholder in Delfur Fishings - wahey hey I can move, move, I'm Eddie mountain I can move, move, I'm Eddie mountain Walk with me and we'll go far Daddy was the chairman of Eagle Star So don't worry about who owns what I love this country - not a lot I can move, move, move Eddie mountain I can move, move, move Eddie mountain
6.
There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt I am named after a scary burd, and I'm not talking seagull Is there anybody out there? it's me, Angela Eagle. There's been a schism in my Party since we became popular, We're more skid marks than Karl Marx nowadays, And who knows where this will lead us, and who knows who fucking cares, When it comes to being ridiculed, we're worse than Go Compare Torn between two Labours, feeling like a fool Being this messed up just makes us look like tools Torn between two Labours, feeling like a fool We wannabe like the popular girl at school Torn between two Labours, feeling like a fool Loving Trident really doesn't make you cool Tumbleweed and traitors are what we've been reduced to No-one wants to come to my press launches boo-hoo
7.
Liberals wobble but they don't fall down Left side, right side Little Willy Rennie wobbles round But he doesn’t fall down Fudging, budging Willy drives them silly With his jelly wishy washy frown He swings to the left He swings to the right But little Willie Rennie never gets it right Stay down, stay down, down Little Willy Rennie has no backbone You can push little Willy round, Willy’s so slow Alistair Carmichael must go But little Willy Rennie says oh no
8.
I want to marry a Muirfield member And keep him company I want to marry a Muirfield member And be his caddy I'll polish his wood by the light of day And shout Fore! and maybe wahey! I want to marry a Muirfield member Won't that be okay? We can go all 18 holes And get caught in the rough We won't invite more ladies in Just the one's enough I dream of playing at Muirfield, baby And setting up his tee I dream of playing at Muirfield I love the 19th century So if you want to make my dreams come true You'll marry a Muirfield member too We could live in Muirfield Practicing misogyny. ahahahay Won't that be okay? Yatatatata
9.
10.
Kez 03:53
Kez, I can almost remember the Labour Party That time you told them that you wanted autonomy And Kez I thought the only lonely place was in your head Kez is your father as bold as Gordon Brewer? Have you got a grip on the logical universe yet? And Kez you thought John Major was a lady suffragette Ahm Dugdale want Jez to always love me Ahm Dugdale this mess will always bug me Ahm Dugdale... I can't fail And Kez d'you think that Corbyn's still unelectable yet? Ahm Dugdale. Want Jez to always love me Ahm Dugdale. Jim Murphy used to love me Ahm Dugdale... I can't fail Jez I'm behind you with dagger And smiling face yeah Climb on the back of this unicorn and we can fly And Jez you thought that Johann Lamont was a little lady suffragette Jez-Jez And Jez you know I thought you was a little lady suffragette Jez A little lacky My little lacky... yes
11.
Rowling, trolling, trolling, keep them tweets a flowing, Keep the hatred growin' Inside! Keep movin', movin', movin' Though they're disapprovin' Keep them cybernats movin' Online! Don't try to understand 'em Just rope and throw and brand 'em We'll still be living side by side. You're just calculatin' And stirring up the hatin' Misrepresenting Scottish pride. I'm not anti-English Ash Shean would shay, Thish ish pish Pleashe dishmish the gibberish Online! Move 'em on, head 'em up Head 'em up, move 'em on Move 'em on, head 'em up Online! Cut 'em out, ride 'em in Ride 'em in, let 'em out Cut 'em out, ride 'em in Online! Online!
12.
You ask how much I need you, Must I explain? I need you oh, my Dubya, Like a Bush needs to reign. You ask how long I'll cover Up everything that's true. I will be with you, whatever, You decide to do. Hold me close....I have got your back. Hold me close. Melt my heart over Iraq. I'll lie for you 'till the WMD are finally found. I'll lie for you 'till Saddam Hussein is driven underground. I'll lie for you 'till regime change becomes the reason why. I will be with you, whatever. And that is not a lie.
13.
You wake up late for work man you don't wanna go You look at the papers and you think oh no They're blaming the poor and the immigrants What a shower of shit, what a bunch of cunts You gotta fight the right in all parties There's a conference going on, they wanna start a ghetto While scraping off the shit from a leopard skin stiletto They're deciding who to blame and where to wipe their feet Screaming it's them over there, but we know it's the elite I'm happy to be called a citizen of nowhere If you're gonna wave flags then I just don't care We're baking and dancing while humanity dies And making lists of foreigners to demonise
14.
What do you do if there's a surge? You have a coup or have a purge I see nothing wrong with these I love all my party's policies I'm in hot denial I'm encased in bile I see what nobody else sees I don't see Labour down on its knees He'll carry on through it all Duncan Hothersall I'll defend them to the hilt I'd even wear McConnell's kilt They can hire whoever they please Daily Mail editors, lumps of cheese He'll carry on through it all Duncan Hothersall
15.
Ed Balls 01:14
Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Now hear the word of Ed Balls! His mouth bone's connected to his foot bone, His foot bone's connected to his arse bone, His arse bone's connected to his elbow bone, Now hear the word of Ed Balls! His toe bone's connected to his knee bone, His knee bone's connected to his Blair bone, His Blair bone's connected to his cock bone, Now hear the word of Ed Balls! Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Now hear the word of Ed Balls! We couldn't seem to find any backbone We couldn't seem to find any hip bone, His wife is connected to his trombone, Now hear the word of Ed Balls! His hand bone's connected to his face bone, His face bone's connected to his cell phone, His cell phone's connected to his milibone, Now hear the word of Ed Balls! Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Ed Balls, Ed Balls, Ed nae baws, Now hear the word of Ed Balls!

about

A collection of scurrilous satirical songs parodying old tunes and mostly stealing their original backing tracks. Satiraoke if you will.

credits

released October 17, 2016

artwork: @beaubodor

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about

Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK

Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.

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