1. |
Ptarmigan
00:50
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Ptarmigan - looks like a grouse, lives on the hills
Ptarmigan - looks like Paul McCartney, walks like Heather Mills
If you ever see one, best beware
They'll peck at your sporran and shit in your hair
And shout 'Ya fanny - you're gonnae get it!'
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2. |
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The curlew and the oyster catcher
The curlew and the oyster catcher
Went to sea
The curlew and the oyster catcher
The curlew and the oyster catcher
Went to sea
The oyster catcher's orange feet
And the curlew's curly beak
That's what does it for me
They're the masters of the sea
The curlew and the oyster catcher
The curlew and the oyster catcher
Went to sea
The curlew and the oyster catcher
The curlew and the oyster catcher
Went to sea
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3. |
I Wanna See A Great Tit
00:52
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20 30 40 50 sparrows to go
I wanna see a great tit
Not a doo or a crow
I wanna see a great tit
So get me to Bill Oddie and put me on a show
I'll do it from Kirkcaldy or even Linlithgow
I can't control my finches or my pigeon toes
Oh oh oh oh oh oh
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4. |
Swallow Magpie
00:49
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Things are looking grim when you see a seagull
Swallow a magpie
They'll eat anything and regurgitate again
Swallow magpie
Oh, they'll nick your chips and cheese
And wash it down with mushy peas
And swallow magpies
Oh yeah
Swallow magpies
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5. |
Jilted Swan
01:08
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I've been going out with a bird, her name is July
But last night she said to me when we were catching fruit flies
This is what she said
She said, 'Listen swan, I love you,
But there's this duck I fancy
I don't want to two time you
So it's the end for me and you.'
Who's this duck? I asked her.
Donald she replied
Not that puffin I said dismayed
Yes, but he's no puffin she cried.
He's more of a swan than you'll ever be.
Here we go coo, ee, caw
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6. |
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You stole my natural lotions
You make me feed on worms and that hurts
But I know the perfect potion
I know how to take away all the hurt
Ever covered a dove with Savlon
Ever covered a dove
A dove with Savlon
Ever covered a dove
A dove with Savlon or cotton wool and a bandage
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7. |
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(by Tom Short)
I put some bread oot fir the wee birds ti eat
I fought the craw and the craw won
I fought the craw and the craw won
My cats wouldni chase them - they're too feart
I fought the craw and the craw won
I fought the craw and the craw won
I tried to get the bastards by chuckin' some stanes
But they just laughed at me
They circled richt ower and shat richt doon
Till I was up to ma knees
Thur beaks wid poke oot both yer eyes
They're gigantic these days
I've seen them lift up wee guys
An kerry them away
Noo they're sittin in their trees, waitin fir me
I fought the craw an the craw won
I fought the craw an the claw won
I make a dash fir the car but they're too quick fir me
I fought the craw an the craw won
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8. |
Sparrow
01:41
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Sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow, sparrow
My heart's with the sparrow
His heart's with the sparrow
My heart's with the sparrow
His heart's with the sparrow
Everybody used to say
You don't see them now
But they've come back in a big way
They're beautiful and brown
Chorus
In your hedge or on your fence
They're having a laugh
Flying round your allotment
Singing like Edith Piaf
Chorus
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9. |
Thrush
03:02
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Thrush, you'll pick it up, if you're unlucky
Thrush, don't pick it up, don't throw your love away
Thrush, go pick it up, if it hasn't flown away
And please don't you ask me if I can sing
If you don't know if it's a song
Or a mistle
Thrush, you'll pick it up, if you're unlucky
Thrush, don't pick it up, don't throw your love away
Thrush, go pick it up, if it hasn't flown away
And please don't you ask me if I can sing
If you don't know if it's a song
Or a mistle
Thrush, you'll pick it up, if you're unlucky
Thrush, don't pick it up, don't throw your love away
Thrush, go pick it up, if it hasn't flown away
And please don't you ask me if I can sing
Cos I don't know if I can
Drink the long draught, Dan
I am your biggest fan
I really mean it, maaaaan
I have a cunning plan
Wham bam bam bam bam
Let's have another dram
Ah how do you call your loverbird?
Thrush, you'll pick it up, if you're unlucky
Thrush, don't pick it up, don't throw your love away
Thrush, go pick it up, if it hasn't flown away
Thrush, you'll pick it up, if you're unlucky
Thrush, don't pick it up, don't throw your love away
Thrush, go pick it up, if it hasn't flown away
Thrush, you'll pick it up, if you're unlucky
Oh thrush, wow, wow, my sweet baby, wow, wow
Oh, oh, thrush, wow, wow, you're the one
Thrussssssh, ...
Thrussssssh, ...
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10. |
Meep Meep Meep
00:41
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I'll be your Wile E. Cayote
I'll spend a fortune in ACME
I will catch that roadrunner
I'll paint a tunnel on a wall
Lay seeds and watch him peck
And swing down and grab his neck
My rope is very long
What could possibly go wrong?
Meep meep meep - I CAN afford a cannon
Meep meep meep - and a giant cannonball
Meep meep meep - a massive bow and arrow
Meep meep meep - and a giant catapult
He goes meep meep meep
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11. |
Tiny Gulls
02:12
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Well, the day begins
You don’t want to live
Cos the seagulls scream i
In the street outside
And you know they’ve been
Screaming half the night
Then they make a noise
Like a manic laugh
And you look out on the window sill
And you only see just a tiny gull
And it starts to sing.
So you turn around
Toward the tiny gulls
Who have got no tricks
Who have got no past
Yea that’s what you think
And you hope they’ll sing
But they sing of greed
Like a young banshee
And they want for this
And they wants for that
What did you think
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12. |
E.M.U.
01:13
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There's a limited supply
It's a shame they cannot fly
Only in Australia
Here, they'd be a failure
Who?
EMU
EMU
EMU
Theyre a limited edition
There's a limited supply
No-one knows the reason
They are not allowed to fly
EMU
EMU
EMU
Goodbye kangaroo
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Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK
Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.
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