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Best At The Tawse

from Fife's A Gas by Tommy Mackay

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lyrics

It came from Lochgelly
You held it in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw my palms
I got belted in school for years
But who did it the best
It was the art teacher
He was the best at the tawse
The best at the tawse

Hmm, you would think the gym teacher, with the strength in his arms
Would be the best at stinging my palms, but he held it too high
He went too far
Too soon
He wasn’t the best at the tawse

The woodwork teacher
Threw chisels at us
The history teacher was cruel
He placed our hands
On top of thick hardback books
So they couldn’t move
He bruised our knuckles
But he wasn’t the best at the tawse

The music teacher
Was the worst
She raised her leg when swinging the tawse
Almost kneeing us in the baws
We queued up to get the belt from her
She was the worst at the tawse
The worst at the tawse

credits

from Fife's A Gas, released March 11, 2022

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Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK

Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.

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