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Piece Of Nonsense

by Tommy Mackay

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1.
It's such a sweet revenge, it's such a sweet revenge You're my ticket to London Hey daddy come and fix my rattle It doesn't make a pretty noise Oh please don't hit me with the lamp stand I'm too small to spit in your eyes Oh father please lend me some money I know you have some stashed some place Your snide remarks are not so funny Now I can blow smoke in your face It's too late to raise your daughter She will hate you just the same I may fix the brakes on your car But I will not take the blame
2.
Everytime I walk I look behind I put on my watch, must know the time I don't need to smoke, what is it for? You laugh at my jokes - second nature Second nature, second nature Second nature, second nature Second nature, second nature Second nature, second nature I get out my bed - 7 o'clock The alarm clock's dead - couldn't give a fuck Wash behind my ears - oh what a chore Have a drink and say cheers - second nature God I hate this song - what's it about? It goes on too long - let's finish now But it's still a bore - oh what a chore Stop the rot - second nature I went too far 1,2,3,4 second nature
3.
Living in the same world as Charlie, yes it's Living in the same room is hardly better Sharing all the same tastes as Charlie, its a Living hell at slow pace and all I say is I'm alright, don't talk to Charlie Splitting up the same world as Charlie, yes it's Splicing up the same room is even better Arguing about tastes with Charlie, it's a Living hell at fast pace and all I say is I'm alright, don't talk to Charlie Sharing all the same tastes as Charlie, its a Living hell at fast pace and all I say is I'm not right, you can talk to Charlie
4.
Last Hope 03:22
Of vital love or brick and blood Stone hate, oh who can wait Vital love, vital love, Vital love, vital love Oh put the sheep out to graze Lovers look, lovers hate Vital love, vital love, Vital love, vital love Many people gave it up Not a chance of making up Friends were saying you can't cope Lust, lust, last hope The last chance to wait You'll find out sooner about that stone hate Oh when will you find out that you are sick Oh don't listen to the advice of others Who think that they know Of vital love, vital love, Vital love, vital love
5.
Graph Paper 01:46
Have you got any figures on that last read out I think my synthesiser's blown a 16 amp fuse out We've still to plug the drummer in from last night That last short circuit gave the singer a fright Graph paper, graph paper Graph paper, graph paper Our computer manager owes us 600 chips I fell on top of a pile of records I think we'll use that sound at the next gig Graph paper, graph paper Graph paper, graph paper And our typical tuned in fan is lying Face down in his room He's got all his lights turned out He's in ecstatic gloom Graph paper, graph paper Graph paper, graph paper
6.
You can handle the business You can carry the blame You can take half the earnings Put the lawyers to shame But I wannna collect Some call me a scrounger Cos it's easy to earn When you work in an office You've got nothing to learn I wannna collect So you ask me how I can Go out every night When I've not found a job yet I get along alright I wannna collect
7.
It would seem right to stick to the faithful routine It would harm us to change it, you know it could mean We'd be lost So tonight if I'm not home, don't phone up the work Cos the car's maybe broke down or maybe it's worse If you phone Ring me regardless if I am not home Don't tell the neighbours I'm still on parole I will catch up on reading by going to school You can tell the relations I'm training to be A G.P. I hope you've not thrown out my one magazine I keep it for Sundays in case of the rain And the snow
8.
War Wounds 01:29
Who has lost his wage in a betting shop Who has made a futile bribe to a cop And made your late entry Who has made a living out of old war wounds Trying for allowances but far too soon And maybe get away Rented a driver, rented a driver Rented a driver, rented a driver I have tried the oldest trick of poverty But it never really seems to work with me They suss me out too soon
9.
Party Pieces 02:51
You're an ugly bastard Michael We think you're degrading You have ruined nature's cycle Others think you've made it Don't we all fall prey Conform eventually Norman Normal's gave up speaking He has zero drive left Doesn't wish to get acquainted Or be sociable yet He won't dissolve into conformity Someone else is sponging every day Jack paid 12 pounds for a perm Thinks it looks so natural Checks his small output of sperm Very matter of factual Advertised in Woman's Own Judy needs Libido Call and confirm on the phone Sorry no-one is home There's a malfunction out on the junction Caught in the window, air running out slow If someone talks I will listen, but not really Hear necessarily, unless you're similar Unless you're similar Unless you're similar Unless you're similar
10.
The Flit 02:16
And so the city moves into the country Dragging along with it uncivilisation The trees have fallen here, the grass is blacker And there's less chance of dad having a heart attack City dwellers see Life in the country They've got a cottage with a scenic view Sonny complains that there is nothing to do He's bored listening to them talk about crops Cos out in the country there's no Top Of The Pops Mother's getting sick of milking the goat Dad laps it up in his new Harris Tweed coat He says the farm is steeped in history Mother hates the stench in the country
11.
Prince Trousers is coming, so be aware You might think that you've nothing to wear But it doesn't matter, he's broad minded Anyway, he won't see you or even care Royalty, royalty hanger on, hanger on Royalty, royalty hanger on, hanger on She's a groupie to Prince Trouser's cause She sticks to the great monarchic laws Press cuts of Prince Trousers adorn her room She hopes to touch Prince Trousers very soon Royalty, royalty hanger on, hanger on Royalty, royalty hanger on, hanger on The royal walkabout is coming our way Mixing with the minions, he gives a wave Now she's getting wet cos he looked her way Because her flag was in an unconventional place
12.
The Bottle 01:56
I'm standing inside A new way of Life Where plastic is dead The bottle is dry Container of milk Or water and pills The alcohol store And peanut butter Last in line, glass is easy to break Cheap to store, you can't make a fake and you know The jar is so small Take jam but that's all Decanters for wine But the bottle's just fine Now the bottle is dry
13.
To be taken from the shelf is a forgery itself Better left upon the wall, let it gradually fall Carbon copies on the wall Line the streets and watch them fall Indecent, in descent Carbon copies on the wall Come and take them, come and take Go and make them, go and make Carbon copies on the wall Indecent, in descent Carbon copies on the wall It's not hard to come to terms Making petrol from dead worms After all, we all agree Batman is great company Carbon copies on the wall
14.
Stay Back 02:01
Getting nearer home, walking fast Crowd coming my way, won't get past Feel shut in Rush hour traffic time blocks the road Want to cross the street, heavy load Feel shut in People on this side block the way Can't step off the kerb, have to stay Feel shut in Don't you step in my way Help those crowds stay back please

about

from The Diary Of A Musical Nobody Chapter Four.

After unearthing some old cassettes from the late 1970s/early 80s, I thought I’d discovered a treasure trove of rare unheard masterpieces of modern music. Well, turns out I didn’t, but in amongst the dross were quite a few wee gems that I decided to rescue from the skip. These are tunes I wrote in my teens and early twenties – most of them never played live, but some I played with my old groups, The Pedestrians, The Innocents, The Voice Toys and Third Light.

Remastered tracks. Hear the originals here: www.dailyreckless.com/diary-1979/

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released February 24, 2023

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Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK

Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.

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