1. |
Intro - Laughtivism
03:50
|
|||
Do you remember the Irony Revolution
When we hilariously overthrew capitalism
with our sarcastic cynicism and caustic wit
The snark and the sneer at the heart of it
Armed with barbed bon mots
How d'you wash away disdain
From this carpet, from your brain
Again and again and again and again
Years and years and jeers and boos
Wipe the shit from your clown shoes
Spraying acid from a plastic flower
Joking about truth to power
We've moved past apathy and nihilism
Now we're into laughtivism
ooooo
There's a satire and parody schism
At the heart of laughtivism
That's me in Chortle
The comedy portal
Losing laughtivism
Any psychopath
Can laugh laugh laugh
From Bathgate to Bath
Laugh laugh laugh
When topical gags
Become ropy and naff
And pastiche is past it
Losing panache
I was out on the razz
And I lost my pizzazz
That's enough rhyming
Your comedy timing
is late
My coping mechanism
Laughtivism
|
||||
2. |
Game Of Life
02:34
|
|||
Hey, you know I get things done
I'm the most underappreciated under the sun
You think I'm a loser but I know I've won
The game of life
I can do new songs or a cover version
Pop, soul or funk or George and Ira Gershwin
I'm just beginning to realise I'm winning
The game of life
The swing era
The age of Jazz
Even Vera
Lynn, Bowie, Chas
n Dave and Public Enemy
I do them all on mp3
Hey, you know I get things done
I'm the most underappreciated under the sun
You think I'm a loser but I know I've won
The game of life
My taste is catholic
But I'm not religious
I'll listen to Afric
an djembes, Sid Vicious
Little Mix
Politics
Porgy and Bess
All human life
in the Daily Reckless
Take it away me...
And that's just the half of it
Here come the rest
Three quarter life crisis
is just the best
Throwing a double six to start again
In the game of life
|
||||
3. |
Dad On
03:32
|
|||
First they came for the socialites and I said
Dad on
Then they came for the alt-rights and I said
Dad on
Then they came for the Blairites and I said
Dad on
Then they came for the Barron Knights and I said
Haud on
They were all right
And so's Weird Al
If you're gonna take them
Then take me, pal
We might not be right on, hip or cool
But we're parodist old school
So haud on
Haud on
Haud on
Ally came from Kirkcaldy, F.I.F.E
Dad on
Hitchiked his way across to Ballingry
Dad on
A castle here and Anstruther
Newburgh is the place where
They say
Dad on Dad on
Dad on
I'm not all right
And neither's Weird Al
If you're gonna take them
Then take me, pal
We might not be right on, hip or cool
But we're parodist old school
So dad on
Dad on
Dad on
Oh you think you're so sardonic
But your patter's fucking chronic
Gie's pee ee ee ee ee ee eace
You pretend you liked Sniffin Glue once
And you use words like nuance
Gie's pee ee ee ee ee ee eace
You're sanctimonious
Yours is the only pus
That lights up watching Sunday Politics
Your horse is higher
Than a eunuchs choir
Though ironically all of your pals are dicks
I'm not all right (He's not all right)
I don't know what's left (dunno what's left)
Back in the centre
They are bereft
I might not be right on, hip or cool
You've messed up this old fool
So dad on
Dad on
Dad on
Dad on
Dad on
Dad on
Dad ohhhhhhhhhhn
Dad on
|
||||
4. |
59 Years From Kelso
02:22
|
|||
Do you take this man to be
Melancholic, trite or twee?
Over 59 years from Kelso
Always one thought or bus ride from Leith
Then there's Mexborough, Glenrothes also
But there's something that lies beneath
Do you have a sense of place?
Or can you just about face?
|
||||
5. |
Mexborough Miner
02:42
|
|||
Scream if you're going past Doncaster
Mexborough miner
Mexborough miner
Mexborough miner
Oh oh oh
I knew a Mexborough miner
He was funny, well kinda
Dirty job, filthy one liners
A huge influence on this minor
Eh up, are thar badly
He would say, but now madly
He is dead but I'm glad he
Put wood in t'hole sadly
|
||||
6. |
Where I Live
02:56
|
|||
I used to live in Hope
But I moved out last year
It was very nice
But now I live in Fear
Which is not so nice
But it has a park
Where I used to sit
Until it got dark.
Once I lived in Side
But only for a while
It was good to hide
But then I lived in Style
Which was quite expensive
But really quite a laugh
So then I lived in Penury
And never had a bath.
Now I live in Tensely
People say to me
It must hurt immensely
I say not really.
So to Edinburgh
Where I had a fridge
Mostly stocked with air
Stenhouse not Knightsbridge.
|
||||
7. |
Waiting For Life
02:15
|
|||
Existentialism
Is doing my head in
All this time I have been
Waiting for life to begin
Pick another ism
Comic communism
Singing from Sing Sing
Waiting for life to begin
A collection of spare parts
Losing, breaking hearts
Throwing random darts
A series of false starts
Existentialism
Is doing my head in
All this time I have been
Waiting for life to begin
One of life's cruel and callous creatures
Facile and facetious
Pretending I know Nietzsche's
Thoughts on fascism and Jesus
Pick another ism
Comic communism
Singing from Sing Sing
Waiting for life to begin
Waiting for life to begin
Waiting for life to begin
Am I nearly there yet?
|
||||
8. |
||||
O come all ye snowflakes and let your heart bleed
Over war and injustice and children in need
We're sorry for your knee jerk anger, sorry for your loss
But hey check out our new cinnamon flavoured dental floss
We have a strong suspicion all your grievances are fake
You need to tune into La La Land not I, Daniel Blake
Pledge allegiance to the deviance of our new orange boss
And check out our new cinnamon flavoured dental floss
A person of good intelligence and sensitivity
Cannot exist in this society
Without expressing anger at the inequality
And it's not just a pinko commie loving liberal thing
It's a normal human reaction in a world of suffering
Distraction, distraction's the name of the game
We will get fooled again and again
The sigh of the times is to not give a toss
Just as long as you try our new cinnamon flavoured dental floss
George Carlin, George Carlin
I never felt more like George Carlin
|
||||
9. |
Hard Shoulder
02:29
|
|||
Rip your heart from your pullover
I'll be your hard shoulder to cry on
From Inverness Caley to Brighton & Hove
I'll be your hard shoulder to cry on
Indifferent circumstances
I could walk you home
But you interpret my advances all wrong
Honestly, I can do sincere
I'll be your hard shoulder to cry on
But I'm more 'king useless than King Lear
I'll be your hard shoulder to cry on
|
||||
10. |
Filling Out Forms
03:15
|
|||
Dear Mr Brown,
I see you are down as a Jedi
Are you really sure?
Also it says your colour is beige
Occupation: extracting urine
And next to Sex it says 'Please'
Hereditary illness: knobbly knees
Dear Mrs Smith,
You're taking the piss
When your address is the garden shed
Also we see your husband of 93
Is strictly speaking clinically dead
Thanks for your hobbies, Mrs Jones:
Earth shattering orgasmic groans
Dear Mr Green,
Your entry's obscene
We'll strike you from our database
You might think it is funny to shit on the form
And say 'analyse this'
Senseless census, have a bleeding guess
Unknown at this address
|
||||
11. |
Leith FM
00:46
|
|||
12. |
Start And Cease
03:45
|
|||
I hate life
Old men cry
I hate life
Young men cry
I love life
Old men cry
I love life
Young men cry
Family and friends give me peace
Life is only start and cease
Shoot at goals
Save our souls
On and on
That's it.
Stop
Slide gentle into the night
All life is mental alright
|
||||
13. |
||||
I trapped a clipshear
Underneath a glass
I kept it for a week to see
How long he'd last
He stared right back at me
He thought that he could win
We played the waiting game
He thought that I'd give in
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
I had a dream last night
That I was drunk
I killed a stranger
And left him in a trunk
In Polmont railway station
It was an unsolved case
A famous murder mystery
People love mystery
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
I need my privacy
I lead a secret life
Sleep with the enemy
Then betray both sides
I traveled all my life
But never got away
From the killing jar
And the garden shed
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
Scotland made me
|
||||
14. |
||||
Good evening
My given name is Thomas and I come from Glenrothes
And I'm doing very well.
I used to stay in Minto Crescent
Which was not all that unpleasant
We were very effervescent
And also pre-pubescent
We would get our fun
Playing chap door run
Until somebody's mum
Kicked us squarely up the bum
So just ask Steve and Billy
How I've ended up this silly
We like a hippopotamus, I'm Glenrothes Thomas
And I'm doing very well.
We'd bus it to Kirkcaldy
And have a cheeky voddy
Which was not too shoddy
Don't tell anybody
We'd hang out at the bowling alley
And try to get pally
With Mary, Joyce and Sally
Then we would go doolally
So you ask Steve and Billy
If we sentimentally
Love our hippopotamus, I'm Glenrothes Thomas
And I'm doing very well.
You can always hit Kinglassie
Via the B921
The viaduct to Leslie
Also used to be fun
|
||||
15. |
(Bonus track) NRS Hotel
01:21
|
|||
The National Records of Scotland is my current prison cell
It's down the end of Princes Street opposite the Balmoral Hotel
I'm filing the births and
I'm filing the marriages
I'm filing the people who have died
The registrars in Scotland phone me up each day
To tell me they've forgotten their password, what can I say?
I say that I'm changing their password
To the word password
All lower case, thankyou, goodbye
There's more people dead than alive now
As anyone can see
With no chance of a comeback especially in this wee country
But still I say, I'm changing your password
To the word password
All lower case, thankyou, goodbye
|
||||
16. |
||||
P-p-pick up a cliché, p-p-pick up a rhyme
It's p-p-p-p-p-p-p-Pachelbel time
Half the world thinks the other half's wrong
Nobody really gets along
We're just dying to cause a stink
I think that's what a lot of people think
The system is designed to fail
And no-one's getting bail
You wither and you shrink
I think that's what a lot of people think
I just wanna have some fun
Looking after number one
I'm boring without a drink
I think that's what a lot of people think
Even if you're monarchy
You kid yourself you can be free
Every armour has a chink
I think that's what a lot of people think
I'm struggling to keep a grip
On this sinking ship
I feel I'm on the brink
I think that's what a lot of people think
It doesn't matter what I say
No-one hears me anyway
I am the weakest link
I think that's what a lot of people think
The more you climb towards the top
The more you have to drop
You'll tumble if you blink
I think that's what a lot of people think
There are royal parasites,
Monks and lawyers, fly-by knights
In the cloister, in the clink
I think that's what a lot of people think
It's not what, but who you know
That predetermines this whole show
A nod here and there a wink
I think that's what a lot of people think
Keep up appearances and smile
Maintain a mask, adopt a style
Pretend you're in the pink
I think that's what a lot of people think
And when the cloud disintegrates
And we're at the pearly gates
At least there's no further to sink
I think that's what a lot of people think
I think that's what a lot of people think
|
Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK
Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.
Streaming and Download help
If you like Tommy Mackay, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp