1. |
Do Scotland
02:54
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We are a sensation
A fabulous nation
Needing a new solution
We're tired of devolution
Do it Scotland
Independence
Is the only way
That's why we say
Do it Scotland!
Don't listen to the fables
That we're somehow unable
Slow and gentle
Is just mental
All styles served here
But how can you prefer
Laissez-faire Scotland
Tired of this tango
Fed up with fandans. Go!
Dance on moonbeams
Slide on rainbows
In furs or blue jeans
You know what I mean
Do it Scotland!...Oooh
Had your fill of weebles?
Are you fed up in Peebles?
Bored in Aberdeen?
Westminster isn't your scene?
They're playing out of tune
In the union
On the fiddle
Down the Lidl
But we love Scotland
Blur versus Oasis
A very minor skirmish
Compared to Lulu
Versus The Who
Wellllll who knew
If you must ski
Do it in Glenshee
Sleazier than his boss
The lying linesman, Dross
Referendum
Will it ever flower
Yellow and Green
Won't last forever
But they can give Scotland power.
The pricks in Londonisia
The Whitehall fashionista
Do Scotland
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2. |
Beauly Queen
02:48
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Beautiful place - believe
From the French beau lieu
Five miles west
Of Inverness
Ooh, the way you look
Makes my starry eyes shiver
Then I look awa-a-ay
Too much for one day
Mary, Queen Of Scots
Once visited Beauly
Treasure so rare
That even devils might care
But her brother James
The Earl of Moray
With his two brothers
Put into execution
The act against sorcery
Witchcraft and necromancy
While they worshipped the sun
The way they got their fun
Was by burning witches
Mary thought that she'd go far
Maybe someday be a star
But she just saw red
And then she lost her head
All of that hope
And that aspiration
All drained from you
Your life's pattern drowned in blood
But the winds could not erase
The memory of your face
History tells
Of a very strange couple
Their soul ships pass by
Solo trips to the stars
In the sky
Gliding so far
That the eye cannot follow
Where do they go
We'll never know
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3. |
Strictly Non-Reverential
03:45
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Be sure to read the Daily Reckless
If you want to keep in the know
You can digest it with your breakfast
Or listen to it on the go
It will be funny don't you worry
Every day now
There is a song
Topical or just
A singalong
All of the other online papers
Soaring aloft and far below
Lying to satisfy their readers
Truth is the seed the Reckless sows
Marketing ear worms for your journey
Making sure your commute's not dull
And it won't cost you a penny
Strictly non-reverential
Reviving the art of conversation
Singing new words to old tunes
Nevertheless communication
This is the gift you must not lose
Always in my head are the voices
'What song are you ruining now?'
Sometimes I wonder if they're real
'Are you sure that's funny now?'
Or is it my own imagination?
'Aren't you tired of doing this?'
Guilt is a wound that's hard to heal
'It's a cross you have to bear'
Could it be evil thoughts become me
'Tell us what you're thinking now'
Some things are better left unsaid
Magical moment
The spell is breaking
There is no light here
I'm in the wrong key
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4. |
Editions Of Uist
02:18
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Well I'm here looking at Eriskay
Just waiting for the perfect view
I hope something special will step in to my life
Another fine edition of Uist
Its beauty and scale is the truest
Sometimes you find a yearning for the noisy life
The city air and rock and roll
But badgers more than compensate at twice the price
For just another night in Glasgow oh yeah
And Glasgow will be Glasgow , will be Glasgow
They say Bonnie Prince Charlie visited here
And pulled out his hankie one day
And accidentally dropped seeds from his pocket
Then let the seeds fall where they may
To form sea bindweed wahey hey hey
And as I was drifting past Stoneybridge
I thought I heard a standing stone wail, whooo
So look out Julian Cope, if you hear them croon
You'll never be the same again oh no
Their crazy music drives you insane, this way
South Uist, North Uist, do what you will
Who knows what tomorrow might bring?
Cherish Benbecula is my advice
And stay cool is still the main rule
Don't play yourself for a fool
Too much shortbread too soon
Old money's better than new
No midges if you visit in June
And don't let this happen to you
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5. |
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Hibernian dreaming and Heart ache
In Embra derby stakes
With commentary from Pat Nevin
Do we need Pat Nevin?
I don't really think so
Standards of refereeing
They're falling weekly
Easter Road or Tynie
Governed obliquely
From Gorgie to Pilton
In Muirhouse and Saughton
The cabbage are wary
The jambos more garish
Stenhouse infection
But what goes on
What to do there
Better pray there
Open plan football
Bung a long lob style
All of its comforts
Seem so essential
I had some match programmes
From the 1960s
But I can't remember
What happened to them now
My dad and my uncle
Both played their Hearts out
Inflatable ball
Made of hard leather
Disposable programmes
I threw you away now
Oh now I remember
They had a picture
Of the Scott monument
On the front cover
Against Blue Brazil
I watched you trash them
You drew in Kirkcaldy
But you beat East Fife
Oh those heartaches
Home and away heartaches
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6. |
The Angus Man
01:33
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The Angus man is on his way
As fast as he can run
He's got an Arbroath smokie
And he's heading for Brechin
Just another plagiarist
Outstaying his welcome
You best be quick, or otherwise
This will not be fun
Already he has ripped off David Bowie, Iggy Pop
There are no depths to which he will not stoop
And he can't stop
But there's no way that I'm doing
The whole of this song
I've ruined quite enough of it
It's already gone on too long
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7. |
Avon Lagoon
01:27
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Linlithgow's got Avon Lagoon
But I won't be in it anytime soon
The leeches put me off last June
So there
And the seaweed wrapped around my feet
Made me beat a hasty retreat
Heaven knows what I was doing
There
Wild swimming is just not for me
Especially when it's icy
Maybe in summer in the sea
With you
Blue feet in Avon Llagoon
Avon Lagoon
Avon Lagoon
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8. |
Forfar Pleasure
02:26
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Forfar pleasure
It's a Friday
So have a Forfar bridie
Thank me later
I don't mean to be nasty
But it's nothing like a Cornish Pastie
Shovel it in ya
They're heavy in texture
A permanent fixture
At Forfar Athletic FC
There's no potatoes
But minced steak, butter
And beef suet
Salt and pepper
Sometimes made with
Minced onions
After tasting
Things you worried about
Last night
Will seem lighter
I hope things
Will turn out right
Oh man
With every bite a change
Just watch me gulp it down
Tara Tara
"Don't ask why"
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Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK
Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.
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