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Dent

by Tommy Mackay

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1.
When I'm watching the TV, It's always you I seem to see, Sitting in a corner with a dictionary Staring at Jimmy Carr's face I said Hey Sue Dent, hey Sue Dent, hey Sue Dent, You're gonna need a bigger word, I said Hey Sue Dent, hey Sue Dent, hey Sue Dent, You're gonna get another word I said quockerwodger, quockerwodger Quockerwodger, word of the day Quockerwodger, quockerwodger Quockerwodger, wah wah wah a toy puppet; one whose strings are pulled entirely by someone else. I said Hey Sue Dent, hey Sue Dent, hey Sue Dent, You're gonna need a bigger word, I said Hey Sue Dent, hey Sue Dent, hey Sue Dent, You're gonna get another word I said quockerwodger, quockerwodger Quockerwodger, word of the day Quockerwodger, quockerwodger Quockerwodger, wah wah wah
2.
Well, I’ve been hurkle-durkling It’s 18th century slang For lounging about/lying in bed Reading back copies of Kerrang Kerrang – get up Kerrang – get up I can’t be bothered, nah I’ll just lie for a while In my duvet I’ll be wrapped in eiderdown
3.
Kakistocracy 01:36
Kakistocracy Please wear your mask dear The Lord above can see you Don’t you know people are dying to meet ya Bumble on, elbow bump, Benny Hill eejit This is what people want, they voted to feed you The over-indulgent reacting like children Knowing that no-one can touch them or teach them They look just like humans And hospitals need them Decadent brains at work to destroy Rats in batallions ruling the streets Kakistocracy Government by the worst people And they laugh to themselves chauffered in their Mercedes The worst of the worst over privileged babies Kakistocracy
4.
Hingum-tringum Hingum-tringum Hingum-tringum People say it’s all an act and we agree The bumbling’ s a cover, he’s a cunt you see They say it’s a distraction, but he’s also dull Feeble and barely presentable That’s where he’s coming from Boris Johnson He’s got everything he needs to keep him satisfied There’s nothing you can do to make him change his mind He’s having so much fun Boris Johnson Brrm brrm rar rar
5.
Pishmonger 01:02
Pishmonger Even Right Said Fred adore ya Pishmonger Lord Haw Haw and Lord Farquar qua qua qua
6.
One of the best sights on a London street today Is an elongated vehicle that likes to bend both ways But what we would like to hear so that it can warn us Is the sound of an accordion when it goes round corners Oh circumbendy, bendy, bendy, bendy ,bendy bus You are very trendy and so say all of us Please sign the petition Oh it would be such bliss If every time you turned a corner it sounded like this… Oh circumbendy, bendy, bendy, bendy ,bendy bus You’re not very good at going in reverse Please sign the petition Oh it would be such bliss If every time it turned a corner it sounded like this…
7.
Wherever you go and whatever you do You will spend a lot of time With people who don't have a clue Well I'm tired of it all The same blowhards on line The river of opinion Is stronger than the rhythm of time Ultracrepidarians One who gives opinions and shouts Ultracrepidarians On things they know nothing about Oh oh oh oh oh oh Judging while knowing nowt, oh oh Ultracrepidarians One who gives opinions and shouts Ultracrepidarians On things they know nothing about Oh oh oh oh oh oh Judging while knowing nowt, oh oh
8.
Apanthropy 02:09
I think I want to be a hermit Living on bread and beer and cheese I don't think I need a permit I'll grow a beard down to my knees Don't wanna go out tonight Everything is shite I'm in a bad mood all the time Looks like we're not in this together People are lapping up the lies Looks like we're in for nazi weather Time for me to say my goodbyes Don't wanna go out tonight Everything is shite I'm in a bad mood all the time Russian, American or British Chinese and all points inbetween Every roadside verge is full of rubbish I got an acute case of apanthropy
9.
Malversation 01:17
Boris and Carrie were in love they said Some say she was a spy in No.10 Soon everybody knew the thing was dead He shouts, she bites, they argue through the night She go crazy Got to make a getaway Boris say Um, er...more bloviation Empty rhetoric and no remorse Oh - congratulations This is malversation of course
10.
We're forever giving out baubles Playing you all for fools Here comes Plan B Don't mention the party We'll do what we like You stick to the rules Here's another dead cat For the Downing Street pet cemetry We're forever giving out baubles Places peasants please We're dreaming dreams We're scheming schemes Selling our souls away We get our kicks Playing politics And saying you can't play We're giving out a warning Which everyone will be ignoring We're forever giving out baubles Pretty baubles, there, there, there
11.
Sparple 00:56
To sparple is to deflect unwanted attention From one thing by making a big deal of another I could mention Nadine Dorries or Julia wotserface Slagging the BBC It's a hit job by the nutjobs to distract us from dog's nob* The big nob that's big dog that's code for the blonde snob Who slobbers from his gob In 10 Downing Street *line by @MajorPazuzu https://twitter.com/MajorPazuzu
12.
Struthious 01:16
Struthious You're hiding from reality You say it's nothing to do with me Oh, baby, you're so struthious Struthious Resembling an ostrich Pretending things just don't exist Huh, baby, you're so struthious When you watch the news You just out and out refuse The facts You're not the kind of person 'round who I want to relax When I see you walking down the street I wonder how you manage to make ends meet It's a wonder that you know how to move your feet Oh, babe, you're so struthious
13.
Latibulate 01:31
Latibulate, wake me up later Latibulate, wake me up when It is all over Whenever the shit hits the fan I make like little Jack Horner Except I stick my thumb up my arse And hide in a corner Then I wait for someone else To clean up the mess And I can claim that it was me I'm a raging success! Latibulate, wake me up later Latibulate, wake me up when It is all over

about

Susie Dent's 'Words of the day' set to music. Definitions given in each song.

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released January 28, 2022

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about

Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK

Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.

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