1. |
Haggis Bombs
03:39
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Haggis songs in Caledonia,
There’s only one by Rabbie Burns.
Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o’ the puddin-race!
Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm.
Weel are ye wordy o’ a grace
As lang’s my arm, just don’t hit my face with
Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers
Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns
Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers
Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns
The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill.
Your pin wad help,
to mend a mill
In time o’ need, While thro’ your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead. His knife see rustic
An’ cut you up wi’ ready sleight,
Haggis bombs shatter the hotels.
My Love is Like a Red, red Rose was nipped in the bud.
Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers
Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns
Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers
Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch; And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!
Then, horn for horn, they stretch an’ strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve,
Are bent lyke drums; Then auld Guidman,
maist like to rive, “Bethankit!” ‘hums.
Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers
Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns
Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers
Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns
oh ma sticky hauns,
oh ma sticky hauns.
Haggis songs in Caledonia:
Ye cannae beat it, oh ma sticky hauns.
Haggis songs in Auchterader, oh ma sticky hauns,
oh ma sticky hauns,
oh ma sticky hauns,
oh ma sticky hauns.
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2. |
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Sic a parcel o rogues in a nation
Sic a parcel o rogues in a nation
Sic a pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa
Sic a parcel o toads in a nation
Celebrating their own subjegation
Wallowing in their self flagellation
A misery of their own creation
Baa
Baaaaaaa
Bah
If Robert Burns was still the bard
He'd bring all the verses to this courtyard
Cos his tunes are better than yours
Damn right
They're better than yours
Bard, bard, bard is the word
Bard, bard, bard, bard is the word
Don't you know about the bard
Everybody knows that bard is the word
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3. |
William Topaz McGonagall
03:48
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Hey! William Topaz
Hey! McGonagall
William Topaz McGonagall - the toast of old Dundee
Shunned by the establishment
But he means the world to me
Beautiful city of Edinburgh, most wonderful to be seen,
With your ancient palace of Holyrood and Queen's Park Green,
And your big, magnificent, elegant New College,
Where people from all nations can be taught knowledge.
Then away to the west -- to the beautiful west!
To the fair city of Glasgow that I like the best,
Where the River Clyde rolls on to the sea,
And the lark and the blackbird whistle with glee.
On yonder hill there stood a coo
It must've moved cos it's no there noo
The village of Broughty Ferry is most beautiful to see,
With its stately mansions and productive fishery,
Which is a great boon to the villagers and the people of Dundee,
And ought to make them thankful, and unto God to pray
For creating plenty of fish for them in the beautiful Tay.
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4. |
Louis Louis
01:36
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Robert Louie Stevenson
You got it wrong
oh…..
It’s Robert Lewis Stevenson
His birth certificate says so
oh….
I heard the news from Ian Bell
Yeah, I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all my life as well
Also it’s jeekel not Jeckel and Hyde, I was telt
By Scottish Literature lecturer Ian Campbell
It’s Lewis Lewis
oh…
Not Louie Louie
oh…
A bagel is a bigel, or so some people say
Even Lou Reed was Lewis Allan, wahey
I bet you didn’t know that either, eh?
You’d better watch your Ps and Qs and Is and clichés
Lou Reed, Lou Reed
oh…
Lewis Allan
oh…
It’s Lewis Lewis
oh…
Not Louie Louie
oh…
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5. |
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Supercalifragilisticcircumjackcencrastus
I'm in a competition to see who can sing the fastest
When Hugh MacDiarmid met Mary Poppins it never lasted
Supercalifragilisticcircumjackcencrastus
Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho
Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho
Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho
Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho
Just a spoonful of Lenin makes the Marxism go down
The Marxism go down
The Marxism go down
Oh it's a jolly Shuggy
Shuggy Mac D
Super Caledonian Antisyzygy
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6. |
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7. |
Your Future Ivor Cutler
02:02
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A stramash-up of 'Your Future Our Clutter' by The Fall and Ivor himself.
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8. |
Muriel Sparks
02:34
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She wrote lots of books and probably
Her most famous is The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie
But there's lots of other stuff no-one knows
She could knock out poetry as well as prose
Well she can show you what you must do
To be more like people better than yooou
Muriel Spark wrote loads of poems
That you don't know, I know
That you don't know
Ooohhh ooooo ooooo ooooo
Ooohhh ooooo ooooo ooooo
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9. |
Canedolia
02:54
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Canedolia (An Off-Concrete Scotch Fantasia)
by Edwin Morgan
music – Tommy Mackay
oa! hoy! awe! ba! mey!
who saw?
rhu saw rum. garve saw smoo. nigg saw tain. lairg saw lagg. rigg saw eigg. largs saw haggs. tongue saw luss. mull saw yell. stoer saw strone. drem saw muck. gask saw noss. unst saw cults. echt saw Banff. weem saw wick. trool saw twatt.
how far?
from largo to lunga from joppa to skibo from ratho to shona from ulva to minto from tinto to tolsta from soutra to marsco from braco to barra from alva to stobo from fogo to fada from gigha to gogo from kelso to stoma from hirta to spango.
what is it like there?
och it’s freuchie, it’s faifley, it’s wamphray, it’s frandy, it’s sliddery.
what do you do?
we foindle and fungle, we bonkle and meigle and maxpoffle. we scotstarvit, armit, wormit, and even whifflet. we play at crossstobs,leuchars, gorbals, and finfan. we scavaig, and there’s aye a bit of tilquhilly. If it’s wet, treshnish and mishnish.
what is the best of the country?
blinkbonny! airgold! thundergay!
and the worst?
scrishven, shiskine, scrabster, and snizort.
listen! what’s that?
catacol and wauchope, never heed them.
tell us about last night
well, we had a wee ferintosh and we lay on the quiraing. It was pure strontian!
but who was there?
petermoidart and craigenkenneth and cambusputtock and ecclemuchty and corriehulish and balladolly and altnacanny and clauchanvrechan and stronachlochan and auchenlachar and tighnacrankie and tilliebruaich and killieharra and invervannach and achnatudlem and machrishellach and inchtamurchan and auchterfechan and kinlochculter and ardnawhallie and invershuggle.
and what was the toast?
schiehallion! schiehallion! schiehallion!
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10. |
Poetry And Politics
03:07
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Here come Liz Lochead
Our Scottish makar
Expressing an opinion
So some fools tried to attack her
With half cocked rhetoric and half a brain
But poetry and politics remain
She joined the SNP
Some people don't agree
They think it's possible
To claim neutrality
But even with no party and no shame
Poetry and politics remain
Sometimes it's hard
To believe
That there are people out there who can't conceive
that even if you're clinically insane
Poetry and politics remain
take it away fretboy....
I'm not a poet
I'm not going to even rhyme that
The status quo it
always will dictate that
even with no rhyme and no refrain
Poetry and politics remain
Saying you're apolitical
Is being political
Senses working undertime
Verging on critical
cos even with no rhyme and no refrain
Poetry and politics remain
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11. |
Jackie Kay
03:28
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Jackie Kay
She was a Scottish Makar
I could listen to forever
Here she comes...
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12. |
Funktionality
03:59
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I wanna upload information
and do it with dash
maybe some animation
so gimme some Flash
(or some such application
you wouldn't drag to your trash)
and I want easy navigation
and a new i-book that isn't gonna crash
What I need is funk funk funk
functionality
Suited to my purse purse purse
personality
Functionality
Personality
Heavy on the funk
Easy on the purse
I've done my surfing for a peek
at some sites that are hot
while launching every week
are plenty more that are not
so now I need a geek
who can tell me what's what
so that the world can seek
my www dot
What I need is funk funk funk
functionality
Suited to my purse purse purse
personality
Functionality
Personality
Heavy on the funk
Easy on the purse
I want tech support in case of disaster
while FTP-ing some web-worthy file
I wanna connection with go faster
stripes and an ISP lifelong free trial
I want top spec soundblaster
I want capacity and style
What I need is my own webmaster
giving me service with a smile
What I need is funk funk funk
functionality
Suited to my purse purse purse
personality
Functionality
Personality
Heavy on the funk
Easy on the purse
(lyrics Copyright © Elspeth Murray, 2002, used by permission
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Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK
Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.
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