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A Reckless History Of Scottish Poetry

by Tommy Mackay

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1.
Haggis Bombs 03:39
Haggis songs in Caledonia, There’s only one by Rabbie Burns. Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o’ the puddin-race! Aboon them a’ ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm. Weel are ye wordy o’ a grace As lang’s my arm, just don’t hit my face with Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns The groaning trencher there ye fill, Your hurdies like a distant hill. Your pin wad help, to mend a mill In time o’ need, While thro’ your pores the dews distil Like amber bead. His knife see rustic An’ cut you up wi’ ready sleight, Haggis bombs shatter the hotels. My Love is Like a Red, red Rose was nipped in the bud. Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns Trenching your gushing entrails bright, Like ony ditch; And then, O what a glorious sight, Warm-reekin, rich! Then, horn for horn, they stretch an’ strive: Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive, Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve, Are bent lyke drums; Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive, “Bethankit!” ‘hums. Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns Haggis bombs; you can fling them at Burns suppers Neeps and tatties, oh ma sticky hauns oh ma sticky hauns, oh ma sticky hauns. Haggis songs in Caledonia: Ye cannae beat it, oh ma sticky hauns. Haggis songs in Auchterader, oh ma sticky hauns, oh ma sticky hauns, oh ma sticky hauns, oh ma sticky hauns.
2.
Sic a parcel o rogues in a nation Sic a parcel o rogues in a nation Sic a pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa Sic a parcel o toads in a nation Celebrating their own subjegation Wallowing in their self flagellation A misery of their own creation Baa Baaaaaaa Bah If Robert Burns was still the bard He'd bring all the verses to this courtyard Cos his tunes are better than yours Damn right They're better than yours Bard, bard, bard is the word Bard, bard, bard, bard is the word Don't you know about the bard Everybody knows that bard is the word
3.
Hey! William Topaz Hey! McGonagall William Topaz McGonagall - the toast of old Dundee Shunned by the establishment But he means the world to me Beautiful city of Edinburgh, most wonderful to be seen, With your ancient palace of Holyrood and Queen's Park Green, And your big, magnificent, elegant New College, Where people from all nations can be taught knowledge. Then away to the west -- to the beautiful west! To the fair city of Glasgow that I like the best, Where the River Clyde rolls on to the sea, And the lark and the blackbird whistle with glee. On yonder hill there stood a coo It must've moved cos it's no there noo The village of Broughty Ferry is most beautiful to see, With its stately mansions and productive fishery, Which is a great boon to the villagers and the people of Dundee, And ought to make them thankful, and unto God to pray For creating plenty of fish for them in the beautiful Tay.
4.
Louis Louis 01:36
Robert Louie Stevenson You got it wrong oh….. It’s Robert Lewis Stevenson His birth certificate says so oh…. I heard the news from Ian Bell Yeah, I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all my life as well Also it’s jeekel not Jeckel and Hyde, I was telt By Scottish Literature lecturer Ian Campbell It’s Lewis Lewis oh… Not Louie Louie oh… A bagel is a bigel, or so some people say Even Lou Reed was Lewis Allan, wahey I bet you didn’t know that either, eh? You’d better watch your Ps and Qs and Is and clichés Lou Reed, Lou Reed oh… Lewis Allan oh… It’s Lewis Lewis oh… Not Louie Louie oh…
5.
Supercalifragilisticcircumjackcencrastus I'm in a competition to see who can sing the fastest When Hugh MacDiarmid met Mary Poppins it never lasted Supercalifragilisticcircumjackcencrastus Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho Heedrum hidrum heedrum ho Just a spoonful of Lenin makes the Marxism go down The Marxism go down The Marxism go down Oh it's a jolly Shuggy Shuggy Mac D Super Caledonian Antisyzygy
6.
7.
A stramash-up of 'Your Future Our Clutter' by The Fall and Ivor himself.
8.
She wrote lots of books and probably Her most famous is The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie But there's lots of other stuff no-one knows She could knock out poetry as well as prose Well she can show you what you must do To be more like people better than yooou Muriel Spark wrote loads of poems That you don't know, I know That you don't know Ooohhh ooooo ooooo ooooo Ooohhh ooooo ooooo ooooo
9.
Canedolia 02:54
Canedolia (An Off-Concrete Scotch Fantasia) by Edwin Morgan music – Tommy Mackay oa! hoy! awe! ba! mey! who saw? rhu saw rum. garve saw smoo. nigg saw tain. lairg saw lagg. rigg saw eigg. largs saw haggs. tongue saw luss. mull saw yell. stoer saw strone. drem saw muck. gask saw noss. unst saw cults. echt saw Banff. weem saw wick. trool saw twatt. how far? from largo to lunga from joppa to skibo from ratho to shona from ulva to minto from tinto to tolsta from soutra to marsco from braco to barra from alva to stobo from fogo to fada from gigha to gogo from kelso to stoma from hirta to spango. what is it like there? och it’s freuchie, it’s faifley, it’s wamphray, it’s frandy, it’s sliddery. what do you do? we foindle and fungle, we bonkle and meigle and maxpoffle. we scotstarvit, armit, wormit, and even whifflet. we play at crossstobs,leuchars, gorbals, and finfan. we scavaig, and there’s aye a bit of tilquhilly. If it’s wet, treshnish and mishnish. what is the best of the country? blinkbonny! airgold! thundergay! and the worst? scrishven, shiskine, scrabster, and snizort. listen! what’s that? catacol and wauchope, never heed them. tell us about last night well, we had a wee ferintosh and we lay on the quiraing. It was pure strontian! but who was there? petermoidart and craigenkenneth and cambusputtock and ecclemuchty and corriehulish and balladolly and altnacanny and clauchanvrechan and stronachlochan and auchenlachar and tighnacrankie and tilliebruaich and killieharra and invervannach and achnatudlem and machrishellach and inchtamurchan and auchterfechan and kinlochculter and ardnawhallie and invershuggle. and what was the toast? schiehallion! schiehallion! schiehallion!
10.
Here come Liz Lochead Our Scottish makar Expressing an opinion So some fools tried to attack her With half cocked rhetoric and half a brain But poetry and politics remain She joined the SNP Some people don't agree They think it's possible To claim neutrality But even with no party and no shame Poetry and politics remain Sometimes it's hard To believe That there are people out there who can't conceive that even if you're clinically insane Poetry and politics remain take it away fretboy.... I'm not a poet I'm not going to even rhyme that The status quo it always will dictate that even with no rhyme and no refrain Poetry and politics remain Saying you're apolitical Is being political Senses working undertime Verging on critical cos even with no rhyme and no refrain Poetry and politics remain
11.
Jackie Kay 03:28
Jackie Kay She was a Scottish Makar I could listen to forever Here she comes...
12.
I wanna upload information and do it with dash maybe some animation so gimme some Flash (or some such application you wouldn't drag to your trash) and I want easy navigation and a new i-book that isn't gonna crash What I need is funk funk funk functionality Suited to my purse purse purse personality Functionality Personality Heavy on the funk Easy on the purse I've done my surfing for a peek at some sites that are hot while launching every week are plenty more that are not so now I need a geek who can tell me what's what so that the world can seek my www dot What I need is funk funk funk functionality Suited to my purse purse purse personality Functionality Personality Heavy on the funk Easy on the purse I want tech support in case of disaster while FTP-ing some web-worthy file I wanna connection with go faster stripes and an ISP lifelong free trial I want top spec soundblaster I want capacity and style What I need is my own webmaster giving me service with a smile What I need is funk funk funk functionality Suited to my purse purse purse personality Functionality Personality Heavy on the funk Easy on the purse (lyrics Copyright © Elspeth Murray, 2002, used by permission

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A compilation of Reckless music about Scottish Poets.

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released September 23, 2022

Cover picture - Poets Pub (After Alexander Moffat) by Greg Moodie

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about

Tommy Mackay Edinburgh, UK

Scottish comedy performer and editor of The Daily Reckless - the paper that sings the news.

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